As of high noon on Monday June 9, 2014 (Mendocino, California time), Doc B will have to divorce me to get rid of me. I can sum up the occasion by borrowing from one of my favorite actresses, Gwyneth Paltrow (with my additions in red):
It is with hearts full of
sadnessjoy that we have decided to separatemarry. We have been working hard for well over a year17 years, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that whilewe love each other very much and we will remain separateget hitched. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to twoone incredibly wonderful childrenfluffy fat orange cat and we ask for theirhis and our space and privacy to be respectedinvaded at this difficultexciting time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent our cat, we will not be able to continue in the same manner.
Doc B is on a silent meditation retreat for the next week, so I figure that our normally private relationship can be thrown to the WordPress and Facebook wolves and if she doesn’t approve, see the first sentence of this post ☺
It was a significant event in our lives and a memorable curvy road trip. There is no way to get from San Francisco to Mendocino without some hairpin turns and nausea breaks between the redwoods; kind of like relationships – but it was all worth it. Hint: If you stop for a few wine tastings along the way, it’s much more pleasant; again, kind of like relationships.
My mom and dad came along for the ride and so did Doc B’s sister and brother-in-law. Since there was only room for two witnesses to sign the marriage forms, we decided that we would have one representative from each side of the family and that they could decide who’s signature would grace the government documents from now into Ancestry.com eternity. My mom and dad flipped a Sea Rock Inn room key and dad won the toss. I’ll have to ask Sis and bro-in-law how they decided. I’m guessing since Sis signed the forms, that they went with the standard: blood is thicker than water (especially if the blood is filled with Anderson Valley wine and Dramamine).
My siblings were there in spirit because they splurged for the rehearsal dinner (though none of us could decide on what we were rehearsing). I hope they won’t be shocked when they see the bill. I honestly thought that California wine would be cheaper if we were buying it just miles from the vineyards where the grapes were grown, harvested, crushed, fermented and bottled…but no such luck; I think there’s actually an upcharge for that. And for those at the Wild Fish restaurant who brought their own wine? It was a $20.00 corking fee – which I’ve always thought should be an uncorking fee, but whatever. Wild Fish is 5 star by the way. Memorable meal and servers.
Thanks to friends and family who were with us in spirit – some with huge loving spirit and others with mustered-up loving spirit. I know this is hard for some of you but I hope you’ll find confidence in the fact that you are on the right side of history (and that you can think of yourselves as “cool”). If I’m to be honest, I’ve been there with you. I’ve been through the shame, been through the fear, and been through the questioning. But you know what? It’s okay. We’ll all be okay. The world won’t end any sooner and if it does, we won’t be wasting time trying to figure out what hit us or why. We’ll all just be smiling at our respective higher powers (or our powers for hire) and thanking him or her for the loves in our lives.
So without hesitation I backed into the window seat on the airplane from Atlanta to San Francisco. I had a smile on my face, my soon-to-be spouse on the aisle, a hummus and cracker snack in my backpack, no crying babies within earshot, and a freshly signed copy of Gone with the Whim by Stefany Holmes. See. We started with a play-on-words from Gone with the Wind and ended with a play-on-words from Gone with the Wind. Sooner or later it all comes together, kind of like relationships. Oh, and Stefany – my dad wants to know if your book title is also a play on The Wynn (the hotel in Vegas)?
And Dad – Happy Father’s Day! You are awesome, period. You have been nothing but supportive since my teary-eyed declaration nearly 20 years ago. And even though you were the chauffeur to and from the wedding, and our family rule is that the driver gets to set the radio dial, not once did you pick a station that would make me get all politically geeked up :).
Big time appreciation to all of you who have acknowledged, tolerated or supported our commitment over the years. Gratefulness to those of you who attended our commitment ceremony reception at Agave on 10/7/2001 just a few weeks after the 9/11 tragedy, including Mr. and Mrs. T, our best man and best woman. Hugs and blessings to those who would have been there had we known you at the time. Kisses to those of you who sent loving kindness on this trip with us. And gratitude to Kristen (my friend of 20 years) for making our one-of-a-kind hammered wedding bands. According to Kristen, three different hammers were used on the platinum. “There are shiny spots within the dents and scratches, but that’s a bit like life; you have to look for the bright parts of each day you get to share with one another.” So true my friend, so true.
Things you can do with a new wedding band on your finger: